10 Things I Learned from the Grammys

The Grammys were… well I don’t know because I hardly watched it. I was at rehearsal for the Vagina Monologues at Columbia University (the first all women of color cast, btw!!!).

But from the snippets that I did see, I learned a few things. Here goes.

1. Taylor Swift cannot dance to save her life.

The pop icon was seen dancing to a beautiful mashup performed by Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons. Her off-beat rhythm (dare I even call it that?) was painful. She was further put to shame when the cameras circled in on Jay Z and Beyonce, who moved to the music with innate ease.

Someone cue “B*tch Don’t Kill My Vibe” please?

Taylor Swift can't dance

2. Kendrick Lamar leads the new school of hip hop.

Although robbed in awards this evening, it’s clear that K Dot takes his artistry seriously. Never mind the growing classic that is Good Kid, M.A.A.D City, and the Control verse that prompted a genuine battle royale in hip hop, tonight’s performance was impressively epic. Again, I didn’t watch the entire show, but I’d venture a guess that his performance was the best of the evening.

3. Jay Z and Beyonce are the most awesome power couple in pop culture.

Although lacking the always expected awesomeness of her live performances, Beyonce further solidified her sexy with beau in arm, Jay Z. The PDA, the sensuality, and the tastefully overt sexual tension between the two sent shivers through my nerves. I could hardly look away as the two serenaded each other. Jay Z, without a doubt, is one of the luckiest men on the face of the earth.

56th GRAMMY Awards - Show

4. Jay Z gives absolutely no f*cks

We know that he knows that he’s the Super King of the music industry, but tonight, he made sure we knew even more. When accepting his Grammy, he likened the coveted award to a sippy cup for his precious daughter, Blue Ivy. The girl already has a doll that basically equals my student loans, and had a whole amusement park shut down for her birthday. Now she has a toy that almost every artist would skin themselves for.

5. Kendrick Lamar is ready to take everyone’s head off.

Maybe it’s just me, but he looked thoroughly disappointed when GKMC didn’t win for Album of Year. And he should be… because the album was flawless. We know he’s a hard worker who is fighting his way through the shady enterprise that is the music industry. And he’s winning. He’s winning our hearts and our respect, and he honestly deserved to go home with something. But K Dot isn’t the type to take failure lightly. I expect him to come even harder with his next project.

At least Mack acknowledged that he robbed Kendrick in this text posted to his Instagram. Is it bad that I’m a little less upset now?

Screen Shot 2014-01-27 at 1.55.35 AM

6. Macklemore is the standard-bearer for gentrified hip hop.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Hipsters come with their own delights, like gay rights, weed, and coffee shops. But it’s true; Macklemore is the future of progressive hip hop. His smash hit “Same Love” won him a lot of awards this evening, and offered a new take on hip hop in the 21st century. I don’t think his wave will last however; we tend to move on from social justice proclamations unless, of course, it’s Bono. To keep his momentum, this year, he’ll have to deliver. No pressure.

7. Daft Punk helmets cause me great envy. 

I’ve tried to resist the urge of the explicit marketing tool that those helmets are. But when I saw them on stage bowing down to the great Smokey Robinson, I couldn’t help but wish I was donned in such a helmet too.

Daft Punk

8. Imagine Dragons have a great ear for music.

It’s clear from their performance that they all feel music as it reverberates around them. They kept perfect timing with Kendrick, and matched his passion, precision, and potency while he slaughtered the world. Salute those men.

9. Grammys are not to be taken seriously.

Well, I didn’t learn this this year…it’s something I already knew. But when it was pointed out that Mack won more awards than Nas, I died just a little inside. I’m sure Macklemore is talented (although I have no interest in his music, I’m sure there’s merit through the thicket), but really… Nas… c’mon son. Maybe I’m overly sensitive because I listened to Stillmatic for the billionth time today. But regardless, the fact that Nas has no Grammys and Mack has several… It speaks to something.. It speaks to the fact that Grammys are home for soft, gentle, socially acceptable hip hop.

Screen Shot 2014-01-27 at 12.41.52 AM

10. I’m seeing J.Cole on Monday!!!!!!

Totally unrelated, but, I love him!

J cole!

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