Today, news broke that political ne’er-do-wells, Charles G. and David H. Koch, plan to spend $900 million in 2016 to influence presidential and congressional elections. The nefarious billionaire boys are notorious for their flagrant financial influence in politics. With a combined $82 billion net worth, the brothers are not shy about their political spending. In 2012, they spent $400 million through personal donations and their affiliated networks.
Now, of course, there’s pressure on Democrats, liberals, and progressives to fundraise and outspend their conservative enemies, thus creating an cyclical wheel of painstaking financial mismanagement. The impending financial waste is especially troubling given the precarious state of an economy on the verge of collapse due to exorbitant and unsustainable student loan debt. And should we think critically of global implications, then the influx of political dollars are further disconcerting. As if on queue, a recently released study found that the richest 1% will control over half the global wealth by 2016.
All this in mind, I caught myself flirting with the idea of what I would do with Koch’s $900 million. As my bank account routinely hovers right above the red, the possibilities are endless. Here’s the top 25 things I would do with Koch dollars specifically, should I ever have the great pleasure.
1. Pay off over six figures of student loan debt.
2. Hell, I’d pay off your student loan debt too.
3. Start a television network for Black millennials.
4. Invest in Black and Latino owned business.
5. Create innovative programs to teach youngins financial management and literacy.
6. Visit Assata Shakur.
7. Start a commune for underground, socially conscious rappers.
8. Black Wall Street, 2.0.
9. Buy out all of Love and Hip Hop and cancel immediately.
10. Genuinely promote 4A/4B/4C natural hair as it is.
11. Start a modeling agency only for dark skinned women.
12. Invest in green technology, especially in low-income communities around the world.
13. Stop cultural appropriators.
14. Learn Spanish, French, Italian, and Swahili.
15. Be a judge on Shark Tank.
16. Build a school that instills Black history at *very*very*very* young ages.
17. Teach a course on intersectionality at community colleges and public universities.
18. Finance an organized brigade of armed women trapped in the violence of religious fundamentalism in developing nations.
19. Divest from the prison industrial complex.
20. Hell, dismantle the prison industrial complex.
21. Heal and support communities adversely affected by the War on Drugs.
22. Become best friends with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Kelis, Janelle Monae, and Erykah Badu.
23. Start a nonprofit that exclusively hires victims of sexual assault, hate crimes, and a predatory criminal justice system.
24. Finance independent movies, especially those that tell the Black experience with humility and sincerity.
25. Travel. Duh.
- “‘16 Koch Budget is $889 Million.” Nicholas Confessore, New York Times.
- “Oxfam Study Finds Richest 1% Is Likely to Control Half of Global Wealth by 2016.” Patricia Cohen, New York Times