I’m Tired, Y’all

I’m tired. Really tired. I’m tired of fighting against a white supremacist empire that’s adaptive in it’s violence. I’m tired of how easily white supremacist values are held and legitimized by white folks who benefit the most from it, from non-Black people of color who believe that anti-Blackness is the gateway to survival, and from Black folk whose pro-Black spirits have been drained through repeated mental, emotional, and physical oppression.

I’m tired of living in contradiction. I’m tired of fighting against a global system of white supremacy, while wearing clothes sewn from exploited and abused people of color. I’m tried of nourishing my body with cheap and accessible food that was stolen from Black and Brown land.

I’m tired of my friendships. I’m tired of letting go of friends who — as soon as shit got real — were unable to process, analyze, or evaluate oppression from a pro-Black feminist lens. I’m tired of explanations and debates, while my life and the lives of my People are under attack. While our existences are heavily surveilled with no accountability or transparency. While our livelihoods are further jeopardized because we decided to speak up and speak out.

I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of incremental reform. I’m tired of gradual rollbacks that are quickly undone.

I’m tired of economic insecurity. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck because I’ve committed to running a public, controversial, outward-facing platform that speaks vibrantly and unapologetically about Black justice. I’m tired of watching the nonprofit industrial complex become ever more capitalistic and market-based; fattening itself with white people and some non-Black people of color, while I live on the margins of a stretched budget.

I’m tired of trauma. I’m tired of my overall ignorance around healing. I do not know how to begin healing, nor do I know how to make it central to my life, instead of an intermittent occurrence that I periodically give time to.

I’m tired of ego. Both in the activist community and the white power system.

But throughout my exhaustion, I’m still here. A little more knowledgable, savvy, and ready than the day before.

*Featured Image Credit: www.mlive.com

photo 1Arielle Newton, Founder/Editor-in-Chief. Get at me @arielle_newton. Get at us @BlkMillennials.

 

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20 responses to “I’m Tired, Y’all

  1. I wish that there was something more definitive that I could do to help. The struggle will never be easy, and I can never fully appreciate what someone who has black skin feels. All I can do is the best I can to fight against the injustice and resist the temptation to crawl back into the White Privilege excuse and ignore things. I don’t want to say the wrong things, but I will not stay silent either. If I could give you a shoulder to physically cry on, I would gladly do so. No one of us is able to overcome these problems on our own, we have to work together.

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  2. No matter how many divisions the media puts out there….black vs. white, straight vs. gay, whatever….it’s always about us vs. them…..This “shooting” happened the same time Obama got the GOP to help fast track the TPP putting more money into cheap labor overseas for multi-national corporations. And the Obama administration is using this shooting to expand gun control also…both of these affect everybody. I think if people focus of what affects everyone change can come a lot easier.

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    • I completely agree. Diversion always has been a tool of oppression. “Divide and Conquer” is an old strategy. We need to remain vigilant on all fronts, or we have been played right into the place where those in power want us to be.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hate the slogan “Black Live Matter” to me it’s divisive and passive….and if the goal it stopping police brutality. The slogan limits your allies. Because hispanics and whites are also victims (not on the same scale but still, why put limitations on yourself)….plus you know a slogan is bad if any politician can use it for votes…..Never heard a politician say power to the people, fight the power, or fuck the police.

        And hands up don’t shoot is bad too….every time I see people marching talking about hands up don’t shoot ….I think it’s a bunch of troops surrendering.

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      • Call it what it is. The 1% want nothing less than a global plantation with disposable workers so they can accumulate profits.

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      • Exactly, I see it like a prison…division keeps control. give whites a bunch of perks and keep the blacks in line. Make sure the blacks see whites as the enemy. The warden looks on.

        Liked by 1 person

      • And convince the poor whites that everyone else who is not white are the ones keeping them from “their fair share”. Poor whites fall for it every time. They cannot see that they are being exploited the same as everyone else.

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  3. Instead of trying to convince white people that black lives matter, I rather show them we’re being raped by the same people.

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  4. And the sad reality is, even though you’re tired, we’re tired, I’m tired – we have no choice but to pick ourselves up and keep fighting again.
    I love the ending of this. So much strength.

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  5. You were birthed from strength. No matter how often you feel weakened by these things, you will always be rejuvenated with time. Its who you are.

    1. Quit fighting. Allow your platform and words to fight on your behalf. We are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs. Let those who choose to believe or practice differently from you, do that. And for those who want to add to our progression will use your platform to do so.

    2. Its less contradictory because your reasons are not self-serving. They are due to your lack of resources or knowledge. Learn ways that you can reduce your contribution to the exploitation. Maybe you can’t feasibly eliminate it all…but anything you can do is worth looking into.

    3. Don’t let them go. Try simplifying your message for those who are not able to comprehend or digest the complexities that you talk about. Not everyone knows their history, but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn. Talk to them as you would a child. And then realize that not everyone has to agree with you to be your friend. Focus on the value that they add to your life in other ways. Especially if your friendship was not founded on your similar principles and belief system.

    4. I won’t even go there right now lol

    5. The platform that you speak through brings you more peace than any economic security ever could. Enough said.

    6. Start with silence. Allow yourself to “exist” for a few moments each day, instead of dressing for battle. Make your healing a daily practice. If you can make your fight for your people a daily practice, you can do the same for your healing process.

    7. Girl me too 🙂

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  6. Wow it’s funny that I found this after a week and some change of fasting from social media and typing in “black feminist exhausting” in google. I hear you.

    I feel a video coming up soon. I have a YouTube channel called CreWisdom where I speak really raw about racism and sexism. I’m tired too. I am realizing I need to pull back sometimes.

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  7. I literally just discovered you and this website and there are no combination of words comprehensive enough to fully express my gratitude to you for creating this space. I’m writing from a cell phone so bare with me, but as a black gay twenty-something you are an absolute inspiration to me. You have more than made my day, this website is the highlight of my year thus far. You may be tired but know you are never alone thanks for reminding of that.

    Like

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