Tonight is the first GOP primary debate for the 2016 presidential race. As President Obama completes his historic two-term presidency, the Republican Party finds itself in scrambles while trying to appear both cohesive and formidable in an American society that’s growing both increasingly progressive, and dangerously corporatized.
Ever since 2008, the Republican Party has failed to gain national favor. Due to their reliance on hyper-gerrymandering as a conduit to attain, maintain, and ensure political power, Republicans have struggled to solidify a national electoral bloc; instead methodically pandering to small groups of white people who’s racist heteronormative paranoia have stunted the Party beyond limited local boundaries.
As a result, the Republican Party, appears frenzied, under-qualified, immature, recalcitrant, and unfit to lead nationwide. Their political platform — of which racist heteronormative patriarchy is a stapled underpinning — is unattractive to most. The electorate is more diverse in race, gender, sexuality, class, and age, and Republicans regularly fail to adapt their political stances in a manner that is more inclusive of the current reality.
Fox News is hosting the first debate tonight. Given the cluttered field of 17 candidates, the top ten will appear before a national audience at 9pm EST. In an extremely defective process, Faux News averaged the top ten contenders from 5 national polls.
In a recent Fox News poll, Donald Trump — billionaire racist manbaby who hates Mexicans, Black people, women, and everyone — lead with 26%, followed by BabyBush (15%), and Scott Voldemort (9%). NJ Gov Chris Christie who, before Bridgegate was the darling of the Republican Establishment and the imminent savior of a shrinking and politically unsustainable national party, just etched out at 3%.
- The Donald
- Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush
- Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker
- Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee
- Former surgeon Ben Carson
- Texas Sen. Ted Cruz
- Florida Sen. Marco Rubio
- Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul
- New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie
- Ohio Gov. John Kasich
The ultra-losers will have their own pity party masquerading as a debate that’s sure to be underwhelming, pathetic, and watched by no one but the interns working in the political junkie bubble.
At the kiddy table are:
- Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina
- Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry
- Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal
- South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham
- Former NY Gov. George Pataki
- Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum
This Republican freak show is more of an expensive megalomaniacal ego trip, rather than a battalion of worthy socioeconomic technicians who show humility at the prospect of governing our vast, complicated, and delicate nation.
This in mind, here’s what to expect at tonight’s debate:
OBUMMER, OBUMMER, OBUMMER
Bashing the nation’s first Black president is an exasperated tactic within the fundamentalist right. Feeding on their need to express their parasitic racism, while vocalizing their outrage that a Black man dared to shake-up the status-quo, it’ll come to no surprise if President Obama’s name isn’t mentioned more than 1000 times.
Donald Trump Comedy Hour
Perhaps he’ll talk about the anti-Mexican Wall. More about marital rape? Or Obama’s mythical birth certificate? Maybe the spat with that comedy writer will get a remark or two. Cell phone snafus? John McCain? Rendezvous with Bill Clinton? Anything else I missed?
(Repudiation of) Black Lives Matter protests and (inadvertent, coded respect for) police brutality
As the one-year mark approaches since the racist lynching of Mike Brown, the emergent Black Lives Matter Movement is sure to be mentioned.
Donald Trump has already voiced his support for police, saying that militarized police units deserve even more militarization. Unlike his more outrageous policy stances, his views on police are comfortably mainstream. The nation remains deeply divided over the role of policing; a divide that’s particularly highlighted through race and class disparities.
In the bloated Republican field, the candidates are desperate to stand out and apart from their fellow contenders. Policing, and by extension BLM as a whole, is a policy issue that offers room to cultivate unique political identities.
Should be interesting. And scary. And fucked up.
Introductions and checklists
We don’t know these people. We don’t know the differences between them. We don’t know their resumes, their histories, or their scandals. Tonight will be intros and laundry lists. Gay marriage, yay or nay? Immigration? Reproductive rights? Foreign policy and national security? Jesus?
Remember your freshmen orientation? It’ll be kinda like that.
If you’re a human being with functioning brain cells, don’t set your expectations too high. White Jesus reincarnate Megyn “Duh-Santa-Is-White!” Kelly is hosting …so…
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